Dimes

Last week my daughter had a day off from school. The school district calls it a 'Professional Day' or a Pro-D day for short. It is a day where the teachers are supposed to hone their skills to make them better teachers.

My mother-in-law is a retired teacher. She told me that on these 'Professional Days' teachers take fun how-to-do courses such as how to make sushi. Yeah, so um, I am sure that all the teachers go back to their third grade classes and teach their eager students how to roll a California roll. At any rate at least the kids are happy to have a day off from school and the teachers get to make sushi.

On the last professional day Holly and I had a mother-daughter-day. We did not take any sushi classes. I figured she would learn that at school. Instead we went to McDonald's and had cheese burger Happy Meals. We sat by the window so we could see the cars leaving the drive-thru. We played the game: Guess if the Driver is an Old Guy. (Like 50 or above- that's old to Holly, not so much to me, but that is beside the point.) The car would come around the corner and we would have to guess if it was a old man behind the steering wheel. You see our McDonald's drive-thru is popular joint for old men to get hot coffee. We found this game very entertaining.

After our lunch we headed to the mall to Color Me Mine. I painted Holly an ice cream cone cookie jar. Holly painted me a piggy bank. His name is Dimes.

When I got him home I found out that 'Dimes' was a mafia piggy bank He is what the mafia calls an 'Earner'. His name is Dimes because he takes nothing less than a dime. Don't try and feed him a penny or a nickle that will just make him angry and the last thing you want to do is get 'Iced'. The worst part about having Dimes in the house is that he is also an 'Enforcer'. I think he has to work for the mob because he doesn't want to be turned into 'Gabagool'. Gabagool is a form of deli meat made from pork. Yikes for Dimes.

When I walk by Dimes, who sits in the kitchen, he quietly says to me, 'Your only as good as your last envelope.' Gulp.

He has assured us that our payment to him is our benefit. We wouldn't want our valuables to end up missing would we? What would we do without our glasses, our watches, our iPhones, the remote control, or worse the dog? He says that he will ensure that these items stay in place...for a cost.

All I am saying is I am glad his name is not Twenty Dollar Bill. My stuff, my family and I would be totally screwed. I will keep paying Dimes because I fear he may be watching the other way while my stuff gets 'misplaced'. I can see it now: 'Where's my laptop? How will I blog?' I am now paying to blog. Extortion sucks. Forget about it!